Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
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