Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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