I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
