I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
