Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize