I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
