EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
