eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Randomize
