It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
