I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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