Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
We have started to decorate penises.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
