wanna go halves on a baby?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
