Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Randomize
