This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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