I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Randomize
