We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
