so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Vodka?
Forever.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize