Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
