I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
