hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
