I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
