Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
