forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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