My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
