i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
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