my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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