i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
