capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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