dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
