Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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