Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
