I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
There's even glitter on my cock...
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