You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
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