Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
