She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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