I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
