Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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