I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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