Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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