I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
