a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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