Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
