Four minutes until I can fart!
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
