He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
