last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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