My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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