from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
