Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
