I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
