I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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