She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
