My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
where am i from again
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
