Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
