This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I think people are normalizing furries
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
