You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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