It's Friday. Sex?
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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