you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
my sisters under your porch take her home
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
