Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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