He passed out mid-signature
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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