bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
